This past Sunday I had lunch after church with some friends. One of my friends has an adult daughter who is biracial like me. She commented about how much she liked my corkscrew curls and that her daughter use to have hair like mine when she was younger. I told her that she probably still does.
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| 6th month fro. |
She looked at me and said "no, her hair is nappy". She then pulled out her phone and showed me a picture of her daughter's hair. Yes, it was big and picked out, but I consider my hair and her hair nappy and that's not a bad thing in my opinion. I was told "no, you don't have nappy hair because it's curly and shiny". I then said "oh, her hair was picked out, it's just a style". She then said "yeah, and it's nappy". At this point, I'm really confused because I'm proud of my nappy hair and through this conversation I'm been told several times that my hair isn't "nappy" and that "nappy" hair is something not to be proud of. I then grab my husband's tablet and show her several pictures of my hair including my fro from my 6th month anniversary post. She said that in that picture I had nappy hair. She then asked "you didn't go out in public looking like that?". At this point I realized that it doesn't matter what I say to her. To her big, picked out, afro, kinky hair that ia not flat ironed or set in neat curls was "nappy" and that "nappy" is very undesirable. She then went on to tell me that she will "never color her daughter's nappy hair again unless it was flat ironed first". Oh my! Why would you use a flat iron that can damage hair horribly and then use a chemical to dye hair? I was surprised to see a picture of her daughter's hair with a lot of length. My assumption is that it is only a matter of time before her hair starts to break, thin out, or split.
Wow! Here I'm learning to really love and embrace my hair and still many people think that wearing a big fro is "nappy" and that "nappy" needs to be flat ironed to be manageable. What are your thoughts? What does nappy mean to you? Until next time...
Blessings!
That's unfortunate and very sad ... some people will never change their mindset! They will forever find straight, damaged hair more acceptable than healthy NAPS! All you can do is continue to do you and inspire others to see the beauty in hair, curly or fro'ed out.
ReplyDeleteTo me, I was told when I was younger that my hair was "nappy" because it was very coarse and kinky, and I knew it was considered undesirable. To my bf, nappy means kinky hair that looks ungroomed and unkempt. So for me it meant my hair texture/type, and to him it refers to the condition of the hair. I suppose nappy means different things to different people, but for the most part it's not a good word.
I agree with you that nappy means different things to different people. I would like to reclaim the word to mean kinky, curly, coily, afro hair. Most people don't have naps and they can't wear them like we do.
DeleteYou know language is a funny thing; Because for african french speaking people the word "nappy" is very positive instead of "crépu" which is its french equivalent; All the naturalista in france use the word Nappy when they talk about their natural hair; It is more trendy and cool; We love the sonority of the word compare to "crépu" which sound a bit hard;
ReplyDeleteNow for the texture you are right when hair seems not curly defined enough people tend to call it "nappy" because they have this idea that it is not easy to deal with; which is false; I am sure your hair in this picture are soft and manageable;
Your are right. My hair is soft and manageable in that picture. I feel like the word nappy means different things to different people.
DeleteI hate that word. I think it has such a negative connotation. I prefer curly because whether it is tight or loose, it is still curly.
ReplyDeleteYour comment is exact what I'm talking about. Nappy means different things to different people. Some treat it as a word to refer to afro curly hair. While others view it as a negative connotation. Thanks for commenting.
DeleteI agree with Precious that the word nappy has different meanings to different people because I honestly wouldn't refer to your hair as nappy, I would actually say it's curly.But I guess everyone just thinks differently. The most important thing is that you are comfortable with your hair the way it is. Don't let anyone tell you that you shouldn't go out with it like that because your hair is so nice and all your pics are gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind words. I guess to me nappy has been a negative word for so long that I feel like we as naturals need to reclaim the word. The other day at work one of the student's called me the "nappy headed teacher". I replied by fluffing my hair and saying "thanks, that was the look I was going for".
DeleteShe sounds like a self-hater but since I don't know her I may not have the right to say that. There are still quite a few of us who do not love or embrace our natural hair no matter how it is. I get many saying they would wear their hair natural if it curled like mine but why does that matter?? Nappy was a negative word we used growing up and I know many are seeing that word in a different light now. Nappy was bad back when I was a kid but to me....nappy is natural. Nappy is freedom from assimilation. Nappy is beautiful. Hopefully she will see that her negative comments are affecting her daughter and the ones around her.
ReplyDeleteI hear you. When I was younger nappy was the type of hair that grew out of my head. It was bad because it wasn't straight. Now I'm proud to be nappy because I don't have to do anything to get my lovely curls. If you have straight hair you have to get a perm. If I wanted to I could flat iron my hair to get it straight (not going to) and then wash it out to be curly again. I feel like many parents don't know that they are putting down their children with remarks like this. Thanks for commenting.
DeleteGreat Post!
ReplyDeleteI've had similar conversations w/ ppl concerning the "Good Hair" non-sense..
I've been told that my hair is "Good" because it's curly..I wander if they would say the same when my curls aren't defined..
I've been told to that I have "good hair" because my curls were well defined at that moment. I think good hair is healthy hair regardless of your hair texture.
DeleteOMG! this is very similar to a conversation i had about me not having "natural natural hair" when I straightened my hair. At some point you realize there is clearly a mindset change that we have experienced that others just may not understand. i realize if they are not willing to receive the information that i am sharing about how beautiful all natural hair is "nappy" or "flat ironed" there isn't much they are willing to learn
ReplyDeleteVery true! This journey we are on enlightens us and my hope is that others learn what it means to be natural. Or at least don't say stupid mean things to my face. Thanks for commenting and following!
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