One year after my last relaxer ... random thoughts with a point

One year ago this month I gave myself my last relaxer.  After rinsing the perm out of my hair I ran my fingers through my hair and had a Kim Cattrall moment from "Sex in the City".  You know that scene, the moment when Samantha finds out that she has cancer then the scene where she runs her hands through her hair and she comes away with hundreds of strands caught threaded in her fingers.  The moment she realizes that she is losing her hair.  I had that moment as pure crippling fear took a hold of me and panic set in and gripped my heart, but I didn't have cancer, I had a bad perm!  How could this happen to me?  Yes, in the past I had some burns and over processed hair, but I had never suffered mass amounts of hair loss.

Look at how healthy my hair looks!

So, just like any reasonable women would do I started to do some research and of course I confirmed through my research that yes, relaxers can cause hair loss.  To put the cherry on top of the sundae, relaxers can cause permanent hair loss.  Right then I made a promise to myself that I would never relax my hair again!  My mistake was telling others.  I should of just keep my decision between myself and my husband,  but no I had to blab to everyone.  So, when I officially started my transition in May 2011 I was told by many, including family that I was either crazy or that I would be back to relaxing my hair in just a few months.  Well at the time I had no memory of my natural curls and I wasn't completely sure if I would like my curls, so this was to me a big leap of faith.  So, I closed my eyes leaned back and prayed that the dear Lord would not let me fall.

Well the beauty of transitioning is that you have this time to mentally rewire your thoughts.  I have been reading a blog Slimwavy and Jazz Wife (whom I consider a friend) and I have been engaged in several dialogues lately about how beauty is tied so much to our thoughts and not based on logic and healthy practices.  Basically, I had to convince myself that I was beautiful and that my beauty is not defined by long flowing straight damaged hair that broke off every time I brushed it, washed it, and or simply touched it.  My transitioning and these past several months post my Big Chop have forced me to learn to care for my hair and to build self confidence in myself by shedding old myths I took as gospel truth.  The reason why this was hard for me was because I was told by many love ones (not my husband) that beauty was to NOT have nappy hair.  I was told over and over again that I was pretty with that damaged relaxed hair, so I thought that was what I had to do to be beautiful.

I transitioned without the aid of a wig, weave, braids, and or extensions.  I did it the old fashioned way.  I grew out my hair until I got tired of the two textures and made an appointment to cut it all off five months after my last relaxer.  I told myself that it's just hair and that it would eventually grow back.  Why was I hanging onto something I planned to cut off anyway?  Basically, I had to convince myself to let go of something that was bad for me, but it was familiar and it had been with me for so long I didn't know how to live without it.  It was like asking a smoker to simply quit and even without the addiction of the nicotine you have to learn new habits, you have to change your thinking.  That's what my transition was like and especially wearing my TWA.  My TWA forced me to learn so much about my hair and who I am.  There's no hiding when you wear a TWA!  A TWA is a commitment.  A statement to the world.  For me wearing my TWA was the best way to break free from everything that I thought was beautiful and reshape my thoughts by embracing who I have always been, but hid with a bad habit for decades.

I had to get a picture of the pin in my hair.

 I have a point, I really do!  Basically this journey I am on is simply that a journey.  When you plan a trip to a tourist trap like Mt. Rushmore you have to enjoy the journey because once you see those presidents faces for several minutes you're ready to do something else.  I am now out of my TWA phase and entering a new phase and I'm loving this journey.  Some days are better than others, but everyday I wake up to my beautiful son and devoted husband who loves me regardless of what I look like.  I think to myself how blessed I am!  Make goals, move forward, but don't forget to enjoy where you are right now.  Until next time...
Blessings!